Am I insane?

So, my second marathon is quickly approaching. As in, it's 5 weeks away. I ran my first marathon in June, and I have not been training for this one as much as I did for the San Diego marathon. Am I insane? Probably. I should not be running this marathon, but since I already managed to get one of the highly coveted spots, I feel obligated to do it. It's so fucking hot lately that I haven't had the desire to run. I ran 15 miles two weeks ago, and I think that was really the last time I ran. I should be running a 21-miler this Saturday, but I refuse to do it because it's still going to be 95 degrees and I have no desire to die of heat stroke. So, I will run a mere 16 miles, try NOT to pass out and just suck it up. So by the time of the real marathon comes, I'm going to be fucked up by the time I limp through the finish line. If any of my fans are in Washington DC during the Marine Corps Marathon, you'll see what agony looks like at the finish line. On the other hand, I was experiencing foot pain right before San Diego, and it got a bit worse during the actual race. Since I haven't been training as much, I feel no pain so at least that won't hurt. I am slightly afraid for my calves, though. They tend to tighten up.

But at least I'll be in good shape for the New Orleans Mardi Gras Marathon in February, and the Houston half marathon in January.

I talked to one of my best friends on the phone, April. She was my college roommate and is the one person I call when I want to throw myself off a bridge - she cheers me up and threatens to come to Houston and throw candy at me (long story). She's in DC and I'll be staying with her during my race.

After I lost 130 pounds, she became inspired and also lost a crapload of weight. But while she's been shrinking lately, I've expanded and now I'm back up to a total weight loss of 105 pounds. Yes, I'm 25 pounds heavier than I was 3 years ago. But I am an emotional eater and in those three years, I've had major job stress (including a total career change) and two break-ups (one good, one absolutely devastating). Needless to say, the weight piled on.

After talking to her today and finding out how much she's lost, I became extremely envious (and told her so). But she has now inspired me to take leave of my self-inflicted eating pity party and get back to what I was three years ago, and to continue until I lose 40-45 pounds. Plus, losing the weight will make my marathon times better - eventually I'd like to finish one within 5 hours. And when you're 40-45 pounds overweight.... Yeah. I'm slow.

I rejoined Weight Watchers last week due to frustration, but have not been following the points this week. I have to weigh in tomorrow, which I am terribly afraid of. But tomorrow starts a new week, and I am going to drop some weight before the marathon.

That's it. I've made up my mind. I will drop the weight. I can do it. I've already lost 105 pounds.

I'll keep you posted....