For the past couple of years, or probably since I've had this blog, which is nearly 4 years, I've ended the year with a recap, and began the year with list of want-to-dos.
This year, I did not end with a recap, and it's not because I was too busy to do so. I decided not to because I have a tendency to dwell on the past, keep things I shouldn't, remember things that are best forgotten. And as this year was probably one of the emotionally worst I've had in a while, why in God's name would I want to go back and recap that?
2008 is over. Thank God. That's all I have to say. But hooray for the good things - the new macbook, being at the Folger this summer, going to NY to visit Christine, two of my greatest friends having babies this year, talking again to a friend whom I thought I lost forever, PR-ing at the 2008 Houston Half marathon, and getting a couple of toxic people out of my life. The rest pretty much sucked.
But with the past gone, here are my hopes for 2009.
1) Running. I want to run at least 2 half marathons this year. I stopped running in the fall - my last long run was right after the hurricane. I was burnt out, hated the idea of training, didn't get weekly runs in so my long runs sucked and hurt. I didn't register in time for Houston, and I think that my training without a race for which to train really bothered me, so I decided to take a break. I've realized recently, however, that I miss running. I miss the "good" tired, the "good" pain, the breeze, the feeling of accomplishment. As my running really took a nose-dive last spring (due to emotional reasons, really), and then dwindling down to basically nothing, I've got to start over from square one. That idea bothered me at first - I used to run 6-8 miles no problem, and now I can barely go 3? I also know that when I began running against fall 2007 (after a long break from my knee injury) that I didn't begin smart. Well, I'm starting over from scratch to go up smartly. And that means 1 mile at a time, and I'm going to build up the right way - slow and steady and smart. And I'm going to increase my endurance by trying to go without walk breaks. So, Thursday I ran my first mile in months. 13:16 without a break. God, it felt good to do that. Yesterday, I ran a mile at 13:13. I was a bit tired because I've also been increasing all of my workouts, so my body was just tired. Today's mile came in at 12:30. I pushed hard - I wanted to go as close to 12 as possible. I'll probably slow it back down for tomorrow's mile. For the next week, I'll run 1 mile a day. A week from tomorrow I'll start my Saturday long runs again - starting with a long run of 2 miles! Every daily run will increase a half mile a week (building up to 4-5 miles a day), and every long run will increase a mile a week (building up to 11). My goal is to run a half marathon before summer, and to also run the San Antonio half next fall. And if I get up to 11 miles comfortably by June, and can hold that 11 miles every Saturday during the summer, I'll be in a good spot. I need new running shoes, though. God, I miss it!
2) Health. I'm a pretty lucky person. My cholesterol is good, my blood pressure is good. I have to get my thyroid checked, though, because my sister was just diagnosed with a thyroid problem and it's genetic. She has to take medication for it now, and I hope I don't have it because I hate taking medicine! But I do want to get healthier on many level. I'm constantly stressed out, so I want to figure out a way to destress better, or to not get stressed. My eating habits are victims of my stress, and my lack of exercise (at times), so if I learn to control my stress, my eating habits and exercise habits will be where they were years and years ago. I'm not going to focus on losing weight, per se. I'm still 110 pounds lighter than I was when I was in college, and that's a huge difference.... and leads to...
3) Eating better. I'm not going to eat better to lose weight, because that will cause frustration if I focus on the scales. But I'm 30 now, and I know that I should take better care of what I eat. Lately stress has had a negative effect on what I eat - I've been eating quickly, haven't taken time to relax and enjoy food, and I stress eat. And when I stress eat, I go for the crap, and when I feel rushed, I go for the sugar to keep me going. And then I crash. And don't want to exercise. And I eat more sugar to get the energy back up. And then I crash again. It's a nasty cycle, and my body isn't enjoying it. More veggies! More calcium! More fish! Less sugar!!
4) Exercising. The running is a good start. I want to go back to the weight lifting I was doing when I was dating Sam, who is a body builder and was being my trainer. But unfortunately I acquired tendonitis in both of my shoulders over a year ago and occasionally they flare up. Case in point - my left shoulder flared while building the set for "Rumors" and it still bugs me a lot. I can't lift right now. I've been working on my lower body, but I miss working out my arms! Hopefully the pain will recede soon. But I want to exercise more because I've slacked off. I used to be a gym rat, but that kind of dwindled during the summer while I was in DC, and then when I came back it was all about school, and I didn't adjust well this fall - I ignored ME. And I started to feel old. I look 25, I want to feel 25 also. So back to the exercising. Back to waking up at 4:15 am to get some aerobics and/or running in before work. It's sick, I hate waking up that early, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta due. I'm only 30!!!! I refuse to feel 50!!!!
5) Hobbies. I'm learning to knit! I have yarn, needles, and a student of mine who will teach me basic stitches this week. Watch out - everyone will probably get a scarf or fun socks or a fun hat for Christmas next year!!! Also, I will submit one screenplay to the 3 competitions that I want to win. That involves me putting the final touches on this last one, getting it copywritten and ready to send out by April 1st. Yikes!
6) To do what I want to and to stop feeling guilty for saying no and to speak up. I'm so nonconfrontational that I'll say yes and agree instead of speaking up, just to end an argument! Or I get pressured into doing things that I don't really want to do, or am unsure of. That's going to change. I can't please everyone, and I'm not pleasing myself if I'm not happy. And step one: speaking up.
Notice I said nothing about work. That's because I spent too much time on work last year. This year, I'm not going to live for my job. I love teaching, but I've been overworking myself to overcompensate for my crappy personal life. That's stopping. My work is just fine, so let me work on me.
Wow. I didn't plan on writing this much, and I could probably write more, but my shoulder is killing me and I need the heating pad.
Happy New Year everyone!
Cheers!
