I had a mini-breakdown the other day. I walked into my apartment and basically burst into tears. Now that the semester is over, I was able to see the toll it took. The trigger? The state of my apartment. Then my pile of grading. Then the pile of clothes that don't fit anymore. The realization that my weekend is going to be busy. At least I still have a boyfriend (and one year ago tomorrow will be the anniversary of our first date). We haven't managed to chase each other away yet. :)
At the expense of trying to better one part of my life, I severely let other parts go. My apartment had never looked worse. I had no time to go to the gym this week because I've been staying late trying to catch up on grading, and then basically going from work to theatre rehearsals (yes, I'm in rehearsals for a show - an Agatha Christie murder mystery). I've put on about 15 pounds, and, adding to the 15 pounds I gained after I messed up my ankle last spring, I'm the heaviest I've been in 7 years. I'm constantly tired and I just feel a mess and I feel as though I have no time. Since the weight gain, I'm not wearing as cute clothes so I feel like a frump.
But I'm not going to quit anything. After my mini-breakdown, I cleaned my apartment (while trying to not feel guilty about not grading), cleaned out my kitchen and stocked my fridge with healthy foods. I have to learn to adjust, learn to say no to extra projects, learn to spend an hour for myself every day, learn to slow down and take a deep breath. Life always throws curve balls; I just need to learn to dodge them without falling on my face. I have very supportive people in my life: Richard, Mom, Andrea, my friends at the theatre, Von. I'm thankful for them more than I can say.
So my first semester is over, and I better accept the shifts in my life because I have another three semesters of class and two semesters of thesis work left. And I want to graduate with a 4.0, so I had better learn adapt better and give up control without giving up myself.
Cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment