After Mom

I have a new life - AP: After Parents. Being an orphan sucks, albeit being an adult orphan. I can't stop thinking of all the milestones in which I will have no parental representation - my marriage, my kids being born, kids' first Christmases, graduating with my master's degree, etc. I was ready for Dad not being there - I'm used to him not being here by now - but now, without Mom, doing some things just seems pointless. I will not go to my graduation ceremony in December for my master's and my wedding will be extremely small - no big white wedding with tons of flowers and a huge tiered cake and tuxedos and matching expensive bridesmaids dresses. That sucks most of all. I still want it, but with no family (except my sister and a very small group of cousins), it all just seems empty. Plus I don't want to cry as I imagine what it would be like with parents. Thank goodness summer is almost here. I sometimes feel as though I'm a wire, too tightly wound and about to snap. At least with the summer here, I can relax, sleep in, take my time to do things. And with the summer comes my trip to Italy and Portugal. I am so thankful for the nonprofit organization funding my teacher grant. It came at the perfect time.