Thoughts of Mortality

This is NOT a suicide note - let me just preface this. I'm not in a sad mood, just a reflective one. Sometime before Mom died - it might've ben two days before she had her stroke - she looked at me thoughtfully and said, "I've had a good life. I've done almost everything I've wanted. I married the love of my life, I've traveled to New York, Hawaii, gone on cruises, been parasailing. I don't want to die, but if I do, I'm ok. I don't have anything left on my bucket list, really." No one can choose when they die (unless they're suicidal or going on a kamikaze mission), and some die too soon. My mom was very upset by the cancer diagnosis, but once she realized that the cancer would kill her, and fast, she stopped being angry. At least, in front of us. I leave for Europe soon, and before I fly I usually send a satirical email to my family with my travel information and information about what to do if my plane crashes - how someone can identify my body. A friend of mine and I used to joke with each other about being careful to avoid fiery car crashes. Death seems so far away, until it's not. I think about my mom's statement a lot. Looking back at my life, I realize all that I've experienced - and if I die next week, then no one can say that I haven't had a full life. I've been to Europe 3 times, been all over the United States (including San Diego, countless trips to NY and Washington, DC, Seattle, and most of the southern states), Mexico, the Cayman Islands. I've seen countless shows on Broadway (getting autographs and pictures of Ralph Fiennes, the emperor from "Star Wars," Jonthan Price, Lucy Arnaz, Sarah Rameriz, David Hyde Pierce), I've conversed online with my favorite Broadway star, I've been on movie sets (eating at the same table as Ben Affleck and almost walking into Alec Baldwin). I've two bachelor degrees and am almost done with my master's. I've run 3 full marathons and 5 half-marathons. I've won fellowships with Fund for Teachers and the Folger Shakespeare Library. I've turned the pages of a First Folio and I've touched a letter written by Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester to his lover, Queen Elizabeth I. I've directed three Shakespeare plays and have acted and sung in countless others. I've dated some interesting characters and am therefore filled with incredible stories from those relationships. I've ridden in a helicopter. I've been a member of a committee on the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. I've learned photography and jewelry making. I am well loved by my students and administrators. I live with an amazing man. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful father and mother, although if I live to be an old woman, I'll have lived my life more without them than with them. So I then I start thinking about MY bucket list. It's not very long. Travel: the Grand Canyon, Bucharest, Budapest, Turkey, Spain. Finish my master's thesis. Get married and have at least one baby (which if I live long enough, will happen). Learn to knit. But honestly, if I die tomorrow, don't be sad. Look at all I've accomplished - before turning 34. I've had a pretty good life. And whenever I do die (hopefully it won't be for a very long time), I'll have my parents waiting for me.