Tough Times

Today's BAF long run for the halves was 11-12 miles. I think they gave us this option since last week's 11 mile run was cancelled due to inclement weather. Despite not running a long run last weekend, and each of us only putting in 3 miles this week, Lori and I decided to go for the 12. Next week's run is to be 11, so we decided to push ourselves this week.

The first half (6 miles) was fine - we averaged a 12:50 pace. The last 6 miles, however, sucked. There were some miles in there that were well over 14 minutes. She and I trudged on, feeling the pain, but determined to do all 12 miles. Both of us WILL be running more this week, so we're hoping next week's long run won't be as bad. Both of us hurt (her feet, my calves) by the end and I was thankful to be finished. I kept getting Charlie Horses in my left calf, which hasn't happened before. I already eat one banana a day, but I'm going to look up other high-potassium foods to keep them from happening again. The knee felt a tad sore at the end, but it's been acting up due to the constant weather changes (and the fact that I slammed it into a chair last night), but it was only slight twinges.

I've been in a funky rut again for about 2 weeks. I don't really know why. I haven't wanted to eat healthy, I haven't worked out near as much as I usually do, I just feel blah. But after running today, I feel so much better (and the fact that I have fun new SUV makes me happy, too).

One reason that I'm bothered, I know, is the fact that someone I considered one of my best friends has completely dropped me without any reason. Perhaps keeping him as a friend was stupid on my part because he's hurt me in the past (including smashing my heart 3 years ago), but I have so many things in common with him (more than anyone else) that I just look at the good and tend to ignore the bad. He was my Shakespeare buddy, my Scrabble buddy, my running supporter, my Harry Potter buddy, my Samuel L. Jackson-is-the-killer buddy (inside joke), and he's also an English teacher so we talked about our teaching experiences (and past Starbucks experiences) a lot.

We've known each other for 7 years and have definitely had our ups-and-downs (including once not speaking for 5 months), but 5 weeks ago, we spoke on the phone for the last time. There was no fight. We had mentioned seeing a movie together and I had strongly suggested he come to Houston, since I had driven to visit him the last two times. The phone conversation was 4 days before that was supposed to happen, and since he never mentioned it, I decided not to either (call me childish, but I wanted HIM to remember). The phone conversation didn't even end on a bad note.

That was the last time we spoke. I, on purpose, waited for him to call me. After two weeks, I left him an IM saying that I'm irritated with him, but also concerned because I haven't heard from him in two weeks (we used to talk daily, then a couple of times a week). No response. I knew he was alive because he was online. But he didn't respond. Almost two weeks later, after the death-threat incident, I sent him a text message telling him of it. He responded with "Are you ok?" And when I tried to call him to tell him the story, his voice mail picked up and I left him a message, telling of the story. No return call. I e-mailed him the story. No reply. I tried calling him again the following week. No return call. I saw him online Sunday and said hi, and he said that he was in Orlando and about to return to Louisiana and he had to go.

I tried calling him again Wednesday. At this point, I just want to know why he hasn't been returning my calls. We used to talk daily. The fact that he's ignoring me without reason is completely baffling. But at the same time, I'm done. I'm starting to feel like a communication stalker. He has treated me without feeling twice before. This is now the third time, and now I realize that it's my fault that I ever trusted him after any of those other situations. And maybe that's why I'm in this rut. Because I've lost one of my closest friends and I don't know why. I've lost the person that I told everything to. I've lost the person who I could rant to, in which afterwards he'd cheer me up. I've lost the person who I could have the most intellectual conversations with. And I don't even know why I lost him. Maybe he has a new girlfriend and can't tell me or her about me. I don't know.

But on the flip side, he's lost me now. I'm done.

Everyone is replaceable. Even close friends.