Positive

The last 10 days have been extremely hectic.

Mom had a biopsy, which came back as positive for small-cell carcinoma, with metastasis to a lymph node and brain. She spent many days in an ICU to watch for seizures, and has started receiving radiation treatment to shrink the tumors in her brain. Once the brain tumors are controlled, she'll start chemo for the lungs.

I've given up as many extra-curricular things as possible, and I'm spending almost every day with her, helping her around the house, pay bills, etc. She is so weak that she barely gets out of bed.

I'm getting better at balancing my life and hers, and I'm caught between feeling guilty for not being there all the time and feeling tired and wishing I had time to do my own laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. Luckily Billy is there for me, helping whenever he can (and planning a weekend getaway so that I can rest and not get caretaker's burnout).

We are very much still living day-to-day. Her outcome is not that good, and we're doing what we can to help her with whatever she wants. I haven't cried in a few days, but my emotions are definitely scattered, and I think I'm having mini-panic attacks. I'm too young for this. I'm too young to be without at least one parent, too young to have to go through my mother's things and put them in order, too young to feel this helpless.

Cancer sucks.