Bittersweet

Today was the last day of school for kids. For me, it was the last time I would see some of them. Today was definitely bittersweet.

The decision to leave my current school for a new school wasn't a difficult decision at first. My current school has so many issues that I just grew frustrated and felt abused. I felt horribly selfish, but I wanted out. I felt selfish because a great number of my students were quite upset when they found out. I'm here for the kids, but when the adults can't do things right, the kids suffer. When teachers are treated without courtesy, when the students rule the hallways, when accountability is not held by anyone and hypocrisy is a motif in the school, I can't be a good teacher. I had to decide between a good workplace (for my sanity) and staying with students who needed me (albeit in a harsh workplace). But my heartstrings have been getting tugged at many times since my departure became public knowledge.

When I dropped the ball, many students were unhappy. I knew that I would be missed by some of the kids, but I was extremely surprised today. After the last final exam, my students presented me with a thank-you card. My sophomores signed it all over. Some of the things they wrote were:

"Thanks a lot! I will miss you! Love you!"
"What a fabulous teacher you are even though I didn't pass my class"
"Don't forget us here at ____! We love you! Ms. Smith, you are the best"
"Thanks for all your pushing and making me do better. Don't forget about us"
"I know I wasn't your best student but I loved your class"
"I will really, really miss you"
"I'm your #1 fan!"
"Your class was challenging but you taught me a lot!"
"We're going to miss you Ms. Smith. You taught well! Love ya!"
"We are so gonna miss you!"

Needless to say, I was extremely touched by the card and had to fight back tears as they hugged me. I'm going to frame the card and it will hang proudly in my new classroom.

After school, and many meetings, I found myself sitting in the main hallway with Carlton, a math teacher at my school. We met at the job hiring fair and he bragged about me to the school and they hired us both on the spot. For 8 weeks last year, we were next door neighbors (at school). Even after I was moved across the building, we were still close. We'd hang out after school and after our night class. I'd meet his girlfriends, he'd meet my boyfriends (we had to have each other's approval). As we sat alone in the empty hallway, we realized that we'd see each other a lot less next year. We just sat companionably next to each other, and I realized that this would be one of my last times (if not the last time) to just relax in the hallway. As we walked out to our cars, I was almost expecting a sad theme music to be playing. I was actually hesitant to leave the school. Even though I'll be back tomorrow to close out my classroom, it already felt like the end.

Today was also probably one of the last days I'd hang out with Mack in our hallway. He's been my hallway buddy all year. We're pretty much inseparable at the school. In fact, my 6th period told me that I couldn't leave because "Who'd be Mr. Davis' friend next year?" :)

I hope that my new school is a good place for me; I hope that I'll have friends like Mack and Carlton. I hope that I'll be able to adjust quickly, and that my students will be accepting. I hope that my administrators are strict and caring at the same time. I hope that most of my students will care about school, instead of just a small percentage. I hope that my current students succeed and I hope that I did them well as a teacher.

I almost feel as though I'm a teenager going to a new school. :)