It's no secret that I've been in a slump for a while now. Mark it down to frustration, mark it down to depression, mark it down to nboredom, who knows (not me!).
My instincts have always been to flee. I'm unhappy, I run away. I can't face something, I run away. I hide. I create an Erica cacoon, an Erica cave, usually just my bedroom without talking to anyone or going out in pubic looking as unattractive as possible so I can go around unnoticed. I feel safe in my cocoon, my cave, because no one can hurt me there. There I can be me and not worry what others think. There I can become involved in all sorts of stories (since I usually read in my cocoon). There I can spend way too much time thinking and dwelling.
So much is on my mind that I don't know what/how to say. Maybe I'm in denial, not wanting to see it actually written down. I hope I get out of the funk soon. It's lonely and tiresome.
I started retreating into this coccon probably about a month or two ago. I don't want to stay in here long - I'm almost 29, I can't afford to stay in here long. So what did I do? I signed up for dance lessons. Every Sunday in June I will be learning the tango, the cha-cha and swing. One reason I am in a funk is because of my knee - I still feel like such a failure because of it and I need/want to do something new and physical. I love music and will dance around my house when noone is watching, so I figured I'd learn how to do the correct steps.
And then there's the apartment. Last week I purchased furniture. Today I hired a moving company. I'm not spending ay more money until summer school paychecks roll in. I discovered a paycheck gap - there is one month between my last HISD paycheck and my first CCISD paycheck. I will be a miser for the next two months (starting Monday, for this weekend I'm in Louisiana).
Here's to the future. May it bring good things my way.
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