Need Longer Vacations

Wow! My Christmas vacation is almost over and I feel as though it has just begun!!!

First off, I got my grades for my first semester of grad school... two A's! I'm starting off with a 4.0 and the two classes I'm taking next semester are being taught by the same two professors I had this semester. Since I know the writing style they like, I'll probably be able to pull off two more A's.

So I've been on Christmas vacation and it's not feeling like much of one. My apartment still isn't as clean as I'd like it to be, I'm not done reading the summer reading books I need to have read, and I still have 125 research papers still in my car. PLUS I'm almost done learning my lines for the play (and find myself speaking with a British accent often... to stay in character).

Ugh.

But at least I still have two weeks before the next semester of grad school starts.

Happy New Year everyone! I'll be ringing in the new year participating in a new year's gala for my theatre - I'll be stage managing AND participating in the imrov troupe. Fun!!!

Cheers!

Endings... and Discovery

So my first semester as a grad student ended, and I am very happy about it. So far I have one A, and I'll find out the other grade Monday.

I had a mini-breakdown the other day. I walked into my apartment and basically burst into tears. Now that the semester is over, I was able to see the toll it took. The trigger? The state of my apartment. Then my pile of grading. Then the pile of clothes that don't fit anymore. The realization that my weekend is going to be busy. At least I still have a boyfriend (and one year ago tomorrow will be the anniversary of our first date). We haven't managed to chase each other away yet. :)

At the expense of trying to better one part of my life, I severely let other parts go. My apartment had never looked worse. I had no time to go to the gym this week because I've been staying late trying to catch up on grading, and then basically going from work to theatre rehearsals (yes, I'm in rehearsals for a show - an Agatha Christie murder mystery). I've put on about 15 pounds, and, adding to the 15 pounds I gained after I messed up my ankle last spring, I'm the heaviest I've been in 7 years. I'm constantly tired and I just feel a mess and I feel as though I have no time. Since the weight gain, I'm not wearing as cute clothes so I feel like a frump.

But I'm not going to quit anything. After my mini-breakdown, I cleaned my apartment (while trying to not feel guilty about not grading), cleaned out my kitchen and stocked my fridge with healthy foods. I have to learn to adjust, learn to say no to extra projects, learn to spend an hour for myself every day, learn to slow down and take a deep breath. Life always throws curve balls; I just need to learn to dodge them without falling on my face. I have very supportive people in my life: Richard, Mom, Andrea, my friends at the theatre, Von. I'm thankful for them more than I can say.

So my first semester is over, and I better accept the shifts in my life because I have another three semesters of class and two semesters of thesis work left. And I want to graduate with a 4.0, so I had better learn adapt better and give up control without giving up myself.

Cheers!

3-2-1 Liftoff!

The shuttle launch was truly a great experience (I'll post photos after I download them). This was definitely a perk that came with the boyfriend.

We had a whirlwind trip. We left mid-morning Saturday, driving from Houston to Pensacola. Sunday was from Pensacola to Cocoa Beach. Monday was the launch and then we left right afterwards, spending the night in Tallahassee. Yesterday we drove from Tallahassee to Houston.

Things learned during the trip:

1) We learned that we CAN do a road trip together. More than 32 hours in a car together and we still love each other - no blood was shed, despite the fact that I wanted to get home at a decent hour (made it at 10pm) and he wanted to stop and see things on the way back. We've already decided that we need to take more road trips so that we can spend time seeing things instead of just driving.

2) We learned that we both like to drive... so we have to come up with a driving schedule.

3) East Florida beaches are nice. We got to walk on the beach before and after the launch.

4) Seeing the launch on Kennedy Space Center property and having a VIP pass is definitely cool - we were invited to social gatherings, got a great press-type kit with picture, a shuttle patch and pin, bios of the astronauts, etc. We also got to watch the launch in the closest safe area. Way cool!

5) The shuttle goes up quickly! And loudly! And brightly!

6) Satellite radio makes a trip better. Since our music likes are so different, we listened to comedy stations mostly and those were surprisingly entertaining.

7) Jacuzzi jets will shoot water outside of the tub and onto the floor.

8) Florida oranges and tangerines really are better than Texas ones. And the fresh orange juice is yummy!!!

I'm sure there are more things, but I'm on a time limit. I finished 10 pages of essay number 1 just now and my brain is fried.

I'm so happy I don't have work next week. Last Thanksgiving I spent a great deal of time grading district exams. This year will be quite different: spending time with someone I love and feel 100% relaxed around and writing papers: the last 10 pages of essay number one and 12-15 pages of essay number two (not started, although primary research has begun). It's all about writing!!

And auditioning for a new play...

And planning the set for the "Midsummer's Night Dream," which I'm directing in the summer.

And reading summer reading book choices, if I have the time.

And cleaning my apartment.

Hey - can I get two weeks off?

Cheers and nighty-night!

Exciting!!!

This time next week I'll be in Florida - either hanging at the beach or maybe driving home (tba) - but the reason I'm going to be in Florida next week is... wait for it... the shuttle launch! The bf got VIP tickets, so I'm off to Cocoa Beach! I'm super excited - we're driving which is great because I love road trips and this will be the longest road trip he and I will have been on (previous road trip was only to Baton Rouge) AND I get to see the shuttle before the program ends. The only bummer is that, due to my work, we won't get in until Sunday (and the fact that I'm not a night driver - I fall asleep) which means we'll miss the KSC/launch pad tour. Oh, well. I still get to feel the ground shake, hear the roar of rocket engines and see the sight.

Yay!

And then I'm back to reality, in which I have 10 pages of a paper due next week. Well, it's due Monday, but I'm going to finish it tomorrow so that I won't have to worry about it. I have 6 pages so far... 4 will be easy to do.

Cheers!

Breathing Again... Sometimes

Whew. The difficult part of my semester is almost over. I have one small book to read and a 3-5 page critique due Wednesday. After that, I have 6-7 weeks of no classes because each of my classes want a huge paper. Funny, the huge paper doesn't worry me. These little readings and little papers due because there's so many of them!! My grading stack is shrinking very slowly, and sometimes getting bigger. After I get this last assignment done, I can spend some time at home grading and catching up.

So I have almost 300 pages to read, and hopefully it'll be all done today (or mostly). I was in Baton Rouge Friday and Saturday so I got very little reading done. Instead, I went to a party for one of my friends getting married and I introduced the boyfriend to them, to my godfather and to Southern Louisiana - food, culture, etc. I took him to my favorite places to eat - The Chimes East, Coffee Call and Cane's and . We spent an hour walking on LSU's campus (what the heck happened to the Union??), where he got a tour of my life in the late 90s, we went to a bunch of tiny meat markets in Lafayette and Scott for the best meats (he researched and we used my knowledge), and he got the "You take care of her and let me show you my gun collection" talk by my godfather (who heartily approved of him), who has assumed the fatherly obligations in so many things since he died a while ago.

All in all, it was a great trip. It's so much fun to introduce Yankees to southern Louisiana. He's taking me to Yankeeland in November (maybe I'll see snow!), and sometimes we're going to go to Annapolis so he can show me the naval academy, his alma mater.

I wish we had more time, but with school we didn't. Now we're planning two upcoming road trips: another one to Louisiana, where we'll go to New Orleans and then spend some time in New Iberia on the way back, going to plantations and finding good food. Then we're going to do a west Texas trip, going to barbeque places and checking out Texas landmarks.

Time to read. Cheers!

New Stakes

Well, the stakes are higher.

First of all, let me proudly say that my papers for my Research class are going a lot better than I thought: 7/8, 8/8, 8/8. I turned in number 4 today, and hopefully will get a 7 or 8 on it, and then the last one is due next week. I stand a very good chance at earning an "A" in the class, so I'm quite pleased!

The next two weeks, however, might challenge my optimism. I have the usual 50-page reading and 2 page essay for my Thursday night class. For my Wednesday night class, we have to read a book this week and write a 3-5 page critique on it. Usually we get two weeks, but since it's a smaller book, he gave us one. That sucks because R, Mom, my sister and I are going to a wine festival outside of the city Saturday... and then Saturday night I'm working the box office at the theatre, so my Saturday is shot. I'll have to do some heavy duty reading Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, with two papers in there.

The following week, however is just as challenging. We have our last book in my Wednesday night class and he's only giving us a week to read that one (even though it's longer) and write the 3-5 page critique. The positive is that my Thursday night class will be done with the weekly readings (we'll then be focusing on the 20 page paper), but the negative is that I'm going to Baton Rouge that weekend, so my reading time will be severely limited. I'm attending a party Friday night (the purpose of the visit) and I was planning on staying until Sunday, giving me plenty of time to take R to all of my favorite BR places (the Chimes and LSU, mainly) and have him meet the important BR people (like my college buddies and my godfather) as well as going into New Orleans for a Port-of-Call stop, but I think I'll have to cut the trip short. Now I think I'll go up Friday afternoon, go to the party then, and go to my favorite places before 3pm Saturday and come back Saturday night so that I can get my reading done. New Orleans will have to wait until I don't have a major assignment due. A good friend is running the New Orleans marathon... maybe I'll sign up for the half and then go up there with her then, and I know R will come cheer me on (unless I can get him to walk it with me).

Anyway, I digress. The point of today's title is that my paper for my Research class has a whole new meaning. He asked for 3 volunteers to form a panel and present our papers to the Southwestern Historical Association's 2010 conference. It's a conference for professional historians, but they do allow grad school students to submit papers. I volunteered, bravely I might add, and stood alone. No one else wants to present their papers. Why the heck not??!! It's great experience, something I can put on my CV, I'll meet historians and professors who might be able to help me in the future and I'll get to have professionals weigh in on my paper. Now, the question-and-answer segment scares me, but I can play it cool.

So basically I'm writing my paper not only for getting an A, but to keep myself from looking like a fool. This paper has to be good.

Cheers!

Book Review

I just finished one of the best books I've read in years - Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay.

The bf and I were at Cosco a couple of weeks ago and I picked it up - I'd never heard of it before, but it looked interesting. I put it aside, however, because I needed to read other books first. I finally started reading it Sunday and I couldn't put it down. I carried it with me EVERYWHERE. I read it at red lights, in line at the bank, in the morning before school, and I read it for 5 straight hours last night and 2 straight hours this evening.

I feel the same way I felt after "The Time Traveler's Wife" or "The Count of Monte Cristo" or "A Tale of Two Cities." I felt saddest when I finished it - I didn't want it to end. I wanted to know more. The author has such a wonderful voice and vivid descriptions, and it's historical fiction (which I'm quite fond of). In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I'm going to recommend it for school.

The story is about two females - Sarah, a 10-year old French Jewish girl who, in 1942, is arrested and sent with thousands of other French Jews to camps with the final goal of the gas chambers at Auschwitz. When she's arrested, she doesn't understand what's happening and she thinks she'll be coming home shortly - so she hid her 4 year old brother in a hidden compartment in the wall. She locked him in and took the key with her. The other female, Julia, is a 45-year old American who is a journalist researching the Jewish sweeps. Their stories intertwine and I can't put into words how moving the story is.

Read it - this book will change you.

Cheers!

Triumph! Cough-cough

As I type this, I am armed with tissues, Nye-Quil (or however it's spelled), Dan Brown's newest book and season 7 of Law and Order SVU.

Yep, I'm sick. My illness began Wednesday night, in which my professor looked at me sneezing and coughing and dismissed us early on account of the plague (me). I went to work yesterday because I had to - I'm a teacher leader and we had a long professional development meeting that I was supposed to lead, but towards the end of school I started making plans to be absent. Last night, my other professor sent me home early - he didn't want me to contaminate anyone else. Fine by me - I was miserable.

So today I stayed home. I briefly went to work this morning to meet with the substitute and show her everything, warn her against cheating kids and their methods of getting away with stuff. Then I went back home and promptly fell back asleep. In between medicine-induced naps and lunch (brought by the BF, who risked infection himself), I read Dan Brown's newest book. I probably could've read grad school stuff, but I logically analyzed that if I was working, I wouldn't be reading grad school stuff (I'd be working... duh).

Now, at 7:49, I feel better than I did this morning but actually worse than I did an hour ago. An hour ago I felt good enough to get out of the house, go to the theatre, chat with people in the theatre office and then I decided I was tired again. So I'm back home and I'm sneezing again and my head feels over-pressurized. And as the moments tick, my throat hurts more. Yep. My body was psyching me out an hour ago.

But, on to the triumph in my title... I got 3 of my papers back.

Wednesday night (European history) came with the delight that I earned a 49/50 on my first paper. He had lots of positive comments and thought my writing was well-written. Score! I knew I was a good writer!

Thursday night (Research Methods) brought more delight - and a surprise. I resigned myself to the fact that I will probably end up with a B in the class. We have the 5 little papers, each worth 8 points, and a big paper worth 60. I realized that if I got a 6/8 on each of the little papers, I would end up with a B because I doubt I'd get all 60 points on my big paper. But no... on the one I thought was terrible, I earned a 7/8 and the other one (the one I knew was pretty good) I earned an 8/8! There's hope! I might come out with an A!

The thing that makes me laugh, though, is his comments on my paper - he says that while my word choice is vivid, I need to use less words - why use three when one will do?

Sigh. That's going to be tough for me. Me, who loves Shakespeare and Dickens and Dumas and Rowling - each of whom go great lengths into descriptions and wit and demonstrates their love of the English language.

But I can still get an A!!! Cough, cough. Achoo.

Cheers!

Still Writing...

Well, I spent almost 3 hours writing a 3-4 page prospectus on my paper (including a dreaded historiography, background, hypothesis and impact of my research). The part that took the longest was writing the bibliography - I had to cite every tiny thing - which meant every single primary source/letter I'm using. I thought I could bundle the letters into one citing since they were in the same folder in the archive. Nope. So I had almost 20 letters, 6-7 electronic journal articles, 4 books, 2 government websites and another website. Besides the sheer number of sources, I'm also not used to citing in the Chicago style. I miss MLA.

Now, onto essay #3 - What is the most significant impact of interdisciplinarity on the discipline of history? Thank goodness that after this essay, I only have 2 left. And then a 20 page paper, a 15 page paper and 2 more 3-5 page literary critiques.

That's going to be a doozy. I might leave that for tomorrow evening.

And a plague will be upon my house soon - I'm going to research the Plague of 1665 for my European Towns and Villages course. I had hoped to do the plague's influence on London theatre in the 1590s, but I'm having trouble locating an adequate number of sources. And since flying to London and digging around in archives there isn't possible this semester, I must use what I can find!

Cheers!

Still Reading...

Well, I changed my research paper topic (for my historical research and methods class). The first topic ended in a dead end, but I've found a much more fascinating topic. In fact, it's so interesting that I think it's going to be my next screenplay! I stumbled across these fascinating letters written to a fascinating woman. Her story is really interesting - basically because she did some things that weren't done by ladies in the late 19th century. I want to spend more time researching this woman because even the archivist said I've found something untapped!

But, in doing research for that class, I have totally neglected my other history class, and even put aside the normal reading for this class. So I have to get busy! I have about an hour before my brain shuts down, so I can get at least one chapter read, maybe two.

R's been great - he's been very supportive of the school thing, even when I break down from stress. Poor thing - he says he wants to fix things and make me better - but he can't do the reading for me. I snap out of it and he's right there, usually holding a cup of coffee or waving a DVD of "The Big Bang Theory" in front of me, knowing that either will cheer me up. And these days also holding a bottle of painkillers since I threw out my back yet again.

Yes, I'm happy. I'm happier than I've been in a very long time. No questions, no anxieties, no wondering if I'm saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing, no fear that he's going to be an ass and try to screw with me. He's my intellectual equal, has class and a totally cool job, dresses well, is optimistic, is confident without being an ass, isn't screwed up from past relationships and basically likes life. My mom likes him, my sisters like him, my friends like him. And, most importantly, I like him. A lot. :) We work well together, better than I've worked with any guy in the past.

Happy sigh.

Cheers!

Labor Day = More Time to Work on School!

Happy Labor Day, one and all. I appreciate Labor Day on two levels. First of all, as a teacher, I get the day off. Yay! And as a student, I get to use this day off to have more time to work on grad school.

So, as I said Saturday, I spent almost 4 hours in an archive. After discussing my findings with my mom and bf later that evening, I came up with a research topic. Go me. Later that night, I read two very boring chapters of a very boring histiography textbook.

Sunday, I stayed in my pajamas most of the day, alternating between playing games of Scrabble online, farming on facebook and reading the remaining two chapters of the very boring histiography. After the reading was complete, I sat down and wrote the 2 page analytical/reflective essay. I'm pretty sure this one is more like my professor is wanting, so that's done. Later that night, during Law and Order: SVU episodes (gotta love USA and their rerun marathons), I finished the other book for the other class.

This morning, after reading the paper, checking facebook and losing some online Scrabble game, I set to write my 3-5 page critique. Honestly, I was worried about filling up the space. Once I started writing, however, I got sucked in and wrote all 5 pages. In fact, I had to make my margins slightly smaller and lower the font size to 11 to get it all within 5 pages. Frankly, I think it's a pretty good critique, but I'm going to take it to my professor tomorrow after work for him to look at it.

Now it's noon on Monday and I'm caught up with grad school for the week. I'm leaving shortly for a barbeque with my theatre buddies and then later I'll work on high school stuff (I need to re-read "The Scarlet Ibis" and work on close reading questions). Tonight, after the bf drops his kids off at the ex-wife's house, we'll get to spend a little time together. The original plan was pizza and Monday Night Football, but I looked at the TV guide - no Monday Night Football on Labor Day. So maybe I can talk him into pizza and helping me grade literary term quizzes. Not sexy, but he abandoned me all weekend for his kids (not that I'm complaining since I got a LOT of stuff accomplished for grad school, stuff I wouldn't have been able to do if it was an "E" weekend) and I could convince him that if he helps me grade the simple quizzes, I could spend more direct time with him.

I wish I was completely caught up. The seemingly never-ending vicious cycle of 4 boring chapters and a 2 page analytical paper isn't over. I kind of don't want to get ahead in that reading because I want to read knowing what the paper will be about so that I can read with a purpose. I also need to look some stuff up at the library about my research methods research paper and I need to start reading book number two, "Renaissance Florence" for my European Towns and Villages course.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I'll focus on "Renaissance Florence" and read one boring chapter.

Thursday and Friday I'll do research and read one boring chapter.

Saturday I'll be at the archives. Saturday night I'll write my 4-page prospectus.

Sunday I'll read the last two boring chapters. Maybe I'll write the 2 page paper.

Monday I'll catch up with something.

Tuesday I'll research.

Wednesday I'll.... who knows.

Off to enjoy a few hours of Labor Day!

Cheers!

A Moment of Weakness

Yesterday afternoon, I felt like hiding in a deep, dark forest and denying my existence.

And then I ate sushi and all was better.

Classes started getting to me yesterday (well, the sense of overwhelming actually started Thursday night, but it continued into yesterday). I started thinking, "What the hell am I doing?" in terms of obtaining a master's degree in history. Thursday afternoon, before class, I proudly took my professor my little 2-page paper. Every teacher has their own writing style, grading style, etc. and I wanted the professor to tell me how to fix mine to make it what he's looking for. That said, I went in there still thinking that my paper is fantastic and I won't need to tweak much. Oh, I was wrong. He told me that my paper isn't bad (strike one - this is never a good sign because he's letting me down gently) and that it's too narrative. He says that I need to forget that I'm an English teacher and get back into the mode of writing history (which is blunter, I suppose). I felt deflated because I thought I did really well, but then I realized that if I just listen to him, I can work on my writing style. In fact, I'm glad I spoke to him because we have another 2 page paper due next week (one a week for 5 weeks) and since he told me what to fix with my writing, my next one will be great, whereas the others turned theirs in and will have to wait until next week to get it back with comments (and they would've already turned another in without his comments).

So, besides a hit on my writing ego, the sheer amount of work for that class hurts. Every week for 5 weeks we have about 100 pages of reading and then an analytical 2 page paper over the reading (as I mentioned). PLUS next week I also have to turn in a 4 page prospectus of a research paper that I haven't started. We have to go to a local archive (which sucks because most aren't open on Saturdays and close at 4:30 on the weekdays), dig around in the archives, find interesting things and create a paper based on our findings, using secondary sources for additional information. I'm not a big American/Texan history person, but the Civil War interests me, as does the Texan-Mexican war, so I'm heading to a local war museum's archives. I've already requested about 4 boxes of personal letters, correspondence, bills and other documents to be pulled so that I can start. It's strange to look without knowing what you're looking for, but that's the purpose.

SO, in addition to that class, I have to have a 3-5 page book critique written by Wednesday and another one in a month.

I'm swamped. Thank goodness this weekend is Labor Day weekend, and thank goodness the boyfriend's got his kids this weekend so that I'm all alone to work on my stuff.

Oh, and I need to grade and reread a short story for my day job.

So, here's the plan/goal.

Today: Read three chapters of the boring history textbook in the morning. Afternoon will be at the archives. Evening will be something... either writing the 3-5 page critique or more reading.

Tomorrow: Finish the chapters of the boring history textbook and write the 2 page paper. Also finish writing the critique if necessary.

Monday: Read!!! I'll work on my day job in the AM, and the PM will be reading the next book for class 2 (a boring-looking book on Renaissance Florence... since I get to choose a book not to do a critique on, I choose that one!).

Busy, busy, busy. But I am NOT going to give up. I'm not a quitter. I have endurance. Hell, reading doesn't hurt, not like any of the 3 marathons and 5 half marathons I've completed.

Argh

My "History of History and Historians" class has the most boring textbook.

Really, I'd rather clean my apartment than read that book. But essays do not write themselves (although many of my students wish they would).

Thank God this is the only mandatory class.

Cheers!

Grad school, week 1

I love college. I love the smell of school, the sight of students studying in small clusters, the open air feeling of many student unions/centers, row after row of over-priced textbooks in the book store, the students proudly wearing their school logos on sweatshirts, sweatpants, tshirts and other clothing items.

So I'm very happy to be back.

All last week, the song "I Wish I Could Go Back To College" from Avenue Q popped into my mind and I wondered if I could easily go back to school. After all, I am older than many students, I haven't had to study anything for a while, and I am going to continue to work full-time. But after this week, I can do it.

Wednesday's class, European Towns and Villages, filled quickly. Like the nerd that I am, I sat front and center - ready to be filled with the knowledge and wisdom that my professor was prepared to grace me with. As other classmates trickled in, I caught on quickly that they knew each other - and I felt like an outsider. So I busied myself with a book until the professor walked in. They greeted him enthusiastically, and he did so in return - a good omen. Perhaps this class will be wonderful and the professor will be wonderful. He didn't keep us long - just enough time to tell us what assignments we must do. Of the 4 books we're reading, we must critique 3 of them. Fabulous - I won't do it on the dull-looking Renaissance Florence book. And then we have a 12-15 page paper due in December, and we won't meet as a class for most of November so that we can have time to work on our paper. I've decided that my paper will be on children in London during the time of Charles Dickens. I can merge both my knowledge of England (and thus the research), plus be able to add specific influences in Dickens' work - especially Great Expectations, which I teach.

Thursday was class number two - Research and Methods (aka - the history of history). This professor kept us the entire time, and he poured the work on us - heavy weekly readings and 6 2-page critical thinking essays - one for the next 6 weeks. Then we don't have class for 8 weeks while we work on a 20 page paper. Yep, 20 pages. We are to find a local archive and dig around, find stuff, come up with a paper idea and write it. I think I'm going to head to the San Jacinto History Museum/archives and dig there. I hope to find fantastic primary source documents on various early settlements of Texas - either Spanish or American (when they decided that they didn't want Mexico to have it anymore). I'm excited because who knows what I'll find.

I did feel overwhelmed Thursday, especially when I saw how much work this one class required. But the feeling of excitement washed over me today when I went to the campus bookstore to buy my last book (the others were ordered on amazon.com, but I ordered the wrong edition of one and needed to get it quickly). I decided to show a bit of pride and bought a college t-shirt, although my loyalty towards LSU made me feel a bit guilty. Both schools are fantastic, and LSU will always be the better one, but this is my school now, and this is the school from which I'm earning my master's degree. Then, when I get my PhD, I'll have yet a third college to root for.

I love college. I can't wait to go to the library tomorrow and study and read!

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines

Pow! And you're off!

School has started, in both ways.

As for my day job, so far, so good. After two days I haven't seen any startling occurrences, but I've been teaching enough years to know that the bad kids can sometimes stay silent. I'm pretty sure that a few of my problem children last year showed a bit of their true colors in the first week, but so far I can't find anything THAT bad. My honors kids seem much tamer than last year- they were actually silent. I have about 13 less than last year, so maybe people told people and word got around that my honors class is hard. My enriched classes, although more in number and in class size, seem better than last year... so far. A good number of them were in pre-AP and just didn't want the workload, so those kids are promising. I've had a few of my current students' siblings and/or cousins, so I'm interested to see how they do - will they be better than their bad siblings or worse than their good siblings? Only time can and will tell.

I also started grad school today, taking my fun class - European Towns and Villages. History grad students are very interesting - my class was filled with older hippies and very laid-back nerds. Me, sitting in the front of the class with a new binder filled fresh paper and a new gel pen looked out of place. I guess I need to slow down. I want the highest A possible, and some are taking these classes for fun (as am I, but I want to get into a good doctoral program upon graduation).

This one class has its fair share of work. We'll meet every week for about 6 weeks, and then off for 4 weeks to work on a research paper. During the next 6 weeks, I have to read 4 books and write three 3-5 page critiques. Luckily, I'm ahead and almost done with the first book, so my first critique will be done by the end of the weekend. Luckily also I teach English - I can easily write a critique. I've been taking notes as I read and I honestly think I can pop out a good critique within 2-3 hours. I'm thinking about not doing a critique on the second book, which not only looks dry, but the professor himself said it was a tad dry. Great.

The research paper is what I'm really looking forward to writing about. We get to write on any European city, town, village, community. I'm torn between London during the brief reign of Richard III, or perhaps Salisbury during the Protestant Reformation years of 1533-1535, or perhaps Paris (and Palais Royal specifically) in the few years prior to the French Revolution. I don't speak French and lots of primary source documents will be in French if I go the Paris route, so I'm thinking I might just stay with England. Or I can research a town torn by the English Civil War. The possibilities are endless and I'm in heaven!

Remember, I'm a nerd.

Cheers!

Consider Me Oriented

The next step towards higher education is complete. I attended orientation for grad school. Surprisingly, I didn't feel as old as I thought I would - there were many grad students older than me, and some who haven't stepped foot inside of a classroom in 20 years. Luckily I was in a college classroom (a few mandatory grad school classes for my teaching certification) a few years ago, and then I'm always in the classroom as a high school teacher.

Much if it was pretty basic. Here's the fitness center, meet the dean of students (who is such a good speaker I asked if he'd talk to my classes at high school and he said yes), here's your student government president, here's the copy facilities, there's the library.

The most interesting, and yet daunting, time was when we were split into groups. I, of course, was in the group for graduate Humanities and Human Sciences. In a large lecture hall were psych majors, sociology majors, one lit major, criminal justice majors, etc. I was the lone history major. One of the advisors walked in and laid it all down: expect to study 9 hours for every 3 hours of classes/credits, expect to miss out on friends and family, meet as many students in your field as possible. Then she went away and was replaced with a faculty panel. One of the faculty members was actually my faculty advisor, but I saw her once in April so she didn't remember me, I'm sure. But then she started talking about study skills and class loads. When someone asked her about assignments and such, she said that whenever anyone in the history department takes the mandated research methods class, they should probably take only that class because it's so intense and there's a 20-page paper in there.

Gulp. Not only do I start that class Thursday, but I also start another class Wednesday. And I'm a high school honors English teacher (honors English=papers). And my boyfriend and I are training for a half marathon in February. And I'm on a Rodeo committee and the board of directors for a theatre.

It was nice knowing everyone.

My heart went thud. Luckily, I'm thinking, I'm probably smarter than many of my classmates (not necessarily in terms of grades, although my grades were always good), but being a high school honors English teacher, plus being a history nerd and having the advantage of doing a research paper last summer using the resource in the Folger Shakespeare Library has probably been nothing but beneficial. I know how to read books like a teacher, like a professor, and taking the right things out of it. I know how to research and get answers. I know a hell of a lot of European history and societal changes and norms. I'm hoping that my other class (European towns and villages) will actually be easy. I hope.

We shall see.

But my kids start Tuesday and I start grad school Wednesday. Keep reading!

Cheers!

Last Day

School starts tomorrow and ow am I spending my last day off? I'm laying on my couch with dilated eyes. I can't see much. I can't see enough to read, and the sun is too bright to venture out. I can barely make out what I'm typing and luckily I can type without looking at the keys, so I don't have to focus too much.

I'm not that sleepy, so no nap. No scrabble because I can't see the tiles, I'm afraid to clean my kitchen lest I stab myself. I cant' call anyone because I the phone keys are too tiny to make out.

Sigh.

Speak, and He Will Come

Sometimes I think I have psychic powers, having the ability to sometimes predict the next song on the radio or think of someone and see them almost immediately.

Yesterday's post mentioned two specific ex-boyfriends. Last night, I went to my favorite hangout, a coffee bar/wine bar. It's a place that my theatre friends and I go to after rehearsals and shows, and I frequently meet my friend Alex there (when he's not stationed overseas). So last night, Alex and I arranged to meet at 8:30. I walk in at 8:25 and lo and behold, I see Sam the cop. I haven't seen Sam in about year and a half, since the day we broke up. I hadn't talked to him in almost a year (having exchanged text messages upon me receiving a random email from his oldest son) and haven't had the desire to, since he had issues he had to take care of and broke up with me in a very uncool manner. So anyway, I walk into the bar, absolutely not expecting to see him. I take a few steps in, and there he is. He sees me about the same time as I see him and he smiles and gets up. I don't want to hug him, but I do. He asks how I'm doing and I say fine - and that I was thinking of him earlier because I think his friend now works at my school. Yep, he does. That's him. We chatted for less than 3 minutes, him asking me several times how I am. I ask how he is and he says he's doing fine - and then says that he had stuff messed up in his brain when we were dating (which I knew) and he's been taking care of that. Then a girl walks up, and I say, "Nice seeing you," and I walk away to get a beer.

Then I go outside and wait for Alex, and call the BF and thank him for being my BF - I can't imagine my life if I had continued dating Sam. I don't even know why I put up with his issues - maybe I felt pity for him. Anyway, he looked older and more tired. I do hope he's happy. As he left, he left hand-in-hand with another woman. I remembered his best friend telling me that I was the best thing he ever dated because his other girlfriends were crazy and needy and I was classy and they weren't, and that his wife found me about 10 months ago and said that ever since breaking up with me, he's been with a different woman every week and she can't keep up with them. This woman didn't look too crazy, but crazy isn't obvious. Sam has had a rough 20s and 30s, so I hope he does find happiness.

I surprised myself. I was bitter for a brief while, and though I haven't harbored bitterness in over a year, I had absolutely no desire to see him again. I thought that if I ever did see him again, I'd just walk away without saying anything. But I was pleasant. I wasn't necessarily warm, but I was polite, not rude. I didn't tell him about my present life (the BF, the theatre, grad school), and I didn't ask him about his. He at one time was significant, albeit briefly. Now we are basically strangers, and I like that. I'm friends with many of my exes, but I have no desire to be friends with exes who treat me less than I deserve. I wish him a good life, but I don't want to be apart of it.

I don't regret dating him, because I learned from that relationship. I learned that I need to speak up, and that I don't have to take crap just because I can. I also learned to be hesitant to those who declare love quickly, and I learned how to deal with a man who has kids.

Anyway, I'm going to be careful with what I post. I mention Sam, and I see him that night.

Wait - maybe if I mention Joseph Fiennes or Kenneth Branagh I'll see them today. :)

Joseph Feinnes.

Kenneth Branagh.

Maybe.

Cheers!

Books and Memories

I look at books and have memories, usually of where and when I bought them, to whom I loaned them, feelings I had when I read them.

Take for example.... cheese. Yes, cheese. As I write, I'm sitting at my dining table, snacking on smoked Gouda (the delights of which I discovered 13 years ago while in London - I had a turkey and smoked Gouda sandwich at the Upper Crust... yum). I take a bite and savor the taste and feel - firm, salty and smokey. I instantly remember a passage from "The Kitchen God's Wife," in which a Chinese character is introduced, as an adult, to cheese. The character describes her first taste of cheese as eating something spoiled and she spit it out. I move the Gouda around in my mouth and wonder what I would think of cheese if I had it for the first time as an adult. I love cheese, but I can see where she might sense of bit of spoiled food. Cheese is, after all, a mile biproduct. I still enjoy it, though and for the past 16 years, I think about that book and that description whenever I eat cheese.

Today I saw the film, "The Time Traveler's Wife." I remember the first time I saw the book - I was wandering around a Barnes and Noble, probably about 6 years ago, and it was a read for the book-of-the-month club. Always looking for a great book, I picked it up. I remember being captivated by it almost instantly. I devoured it, sitting on my bed in an apartment in Southside Place, the apartment I shared with an at-the-time boyfriend. He couldn't understand how a book could captivate me. Books easily do that - if I find one I connect with, my life is put on hold until I finish it. In fact, my life was put on hold for almost a month this summer while I read three books by this one author - I stumbled across the first at Half-Priced books and then HAD to read the other two once I finished the first. "The Time Traveler's Wife" did that for me. I laughed, I cried, I resisted peeking at the final pages to see how it would end, I cried again. I was cautious about the film, however, as I usually am in regards to a book that I enjoy immensely. I had no expectations of this film, although I hoped it wouldn't suck. I was pleasantly rewarded for having that hope - I really enjoyed the film. Of course plot points and characters were left out, but I cried for the last 20 minutes of the film - and was happy to because it meant the film carried the novel's essence. Truth to be told, however, the movie made me cry for many reasons.

Afterwards, I went to a place where I knew I had to be: the bookstore. I wandered into Barnes and Noble with a specific book purchase in mind. I suppose I was still saddened by the movie, but I walked around and just looked at people. I often wonder what their lives are like. I watched them, wondering what they did for a living, whether they were happy, whether they had the life that they want. I look at people and try to figure them out. I am a terrible judge of character sometimes, which is why I think I want to figure people out - are they good people or are they bad people? Sometimes it just takes a while to find it out, and frankly, I don't want to take a while to figure that out. My friends know that I don't like surprises - I don't mind knowing the ends of books, the ends of movies.

Anyway, I wandered around, contemplating the world and people who live in it, thinking about how insignificant certain people are in the grand scheme of things. I didn't know the older, pudgy, befreckled man talking to his frumpish companion, both blissfully happy in their conversation. Are they insignificant? Probably not, but I am insignificant to them - I am just another shopper/book lover. Just as they are insignificant to me. My life goes on after merely walking past them.

Perhaps I was being too pensive. Pardon me - I've had another ex-boyfriend shocker today. I've had two men break my hearts, and I've had run-ins with either them or friend of theirs within the past month. The first one who broke my heart, unfortunately, still haunts me with memories of things associated with him. The other is haunting me because a good friend of his is now working at my school.

Perhaps I'm being extra pensive because my current boyfriend is out of town for another week and I feel alone, especially now with these hauntings. I don't feel as confident as I usually feel. Maybe thinking of the past scares me about my future.

I need to get back to books. I bought a book that I hope will envelope me in its story, and right now I need to be enveloped in someone else's story. I'll let you know.

Cheers.

Cooking

I've always fancied myself as someone who plays around in the kitchen and comes up with some pretty good food. Until I watched "Julie and Julia" today. Great movie, by the way - congrats to the author (whose blog is really quite entertaining).

I realized that I don't cook as much as I used to. I was talking to the BF the other night and realized that I haven't cooked him that many meals - whereas I was always cooking for my exes. He and I just eat out too much, which completely separates the need for food and desire of food. I wonder how many people just eat automatically, without enjoying. I figure if I ate better food, I'd enjoy food more for what it is - an art - and focus more on what it can be than what it is.

Does that make sense?

Anyway, I decided to cook when I got home from the movie. The problem is that my pantry and freezer and fridge are relatively devoid of inspirational ingredients, so my meal was a hodgepodge of whatever I could find: fresh kale sauteed in a lemon-white wine-caper-butter sauce (leftover from Tuesday night's original chicken-in-the-above-sauce meal), chicken grilled on the George Forman (with a bit of grill herbs and seasonings on it) and Israeli cous-cous seasoned with a Mediterranean dressing. Completely random combination there!

I think my new goal is to cook one new meal a week, and then see where that goes. I'm scouring all of my collected recipes and books and will come up with dinner Monday night - for tonight and tomorrow night we're off to see Shakespeare and Sunday night is dinner at Mom's.

Cheers!

New Years

It's funny, but for as long as I can remember, I always considered a year to be from September to August, not January to December. My mental calendar looks nothing like the Julian calender so used in most of the world (if not all). For 13 years, I was a public school student, then a college student for 5 years. For 3 years, I wasn't a student, but as management in Starbucks, our fiscal year began in October and ended in December, which is pretty close to my normal schedule. Finally, I've been a high school teacher for 5 years now, and thus the September-August calendar continues.

So while many consider this the end of summer, beginning of fall, I think of it as the beginning of a new year.

So, what do I hope to accomplish this year? As always, I hope to grow in my profession as a teacher - both in terms of relationships with students and lessons that are relevant to society, and yet along the district and state curriculum. I also am beginning graduate classes in three weeks (eek!), so I hope to earn A's in those classes and write papers that may guide me in my thesis-seeking and writing. I hope to travel more this year - the only places I went last year were San Antonio and Memphis - neither really worth great celebrations (although I enjoyed, relatively, both). This year's travels will take me to Philadelphia in the fall for a convention, followed by a drive through New England, where I will end up in Vermont for a few days. Then, hopefully a trip to NY will occur, so I can visit with my dear friend Christine and, depending on when I go, either see her in the end of her pregnancy or meet her new baby! Next summer will hopefully consist of either a cruise or a trip to Europe (although I might save and wait for Europe the following year, which will coincide with my thesis-writing, and maybe I can do some primary source research while I am there).

I went to my classroom today to begin getting it ready, although I do not go back for over a week. I felt my heart soar when I walked into the room. I didn't quite enjoy pushing the heavy furniture around and relocating my desks, filing cabinets and bookshelves to their normal places, but it felt good to just be in the room. Tomorrow I'll go back and begin unpacking. Next week I'll go in for a few days and work as well. My goal is to have everything done before I have to, so that I can work on lessons and such during our work days. Knowing me, I might even have my lessons done by then!

Over the past couple of years, I've suffered some injuries. Almost three years ago I messed up my knee. I've acquired impingement tendonitis in both of my shoulders and I have cartilage damage and tendonitis in my left ankle. Finally, almost two weeks ago, I busted my knee again (and the bruising is just now going down). Those injuries have really brought me down. I used to say I am a runner. Now I say I WAS a runner. My orthopedic doctor told me I'd never run a full marathon again and he doesn't recommend the successive training I've put myself through. But I am going to work with that. I'm signing up for the Surfside half-marathon in February and I'll walk it. And once I've dropped the weight I've gained this past year, I'll start jogging slowly and smaller distances. And eventually I'll jog half marathons again, but I'm going to walk for a while.

The heat is on - I will complete my 6th half marathon in February, followed by my 7th in March. And eventually, I'll complete a 4th full marathon - even if I'm walking it.

Cheers!

Another Opening, Another Show!

Opening night went really well - I am so proud of my cast! I heard snatches of conversations around me - the set is great, the acting is great, the cutting of the script was well-done. I have a couple of actors who really struggled with the language and lines, but those few performed their lines wonderfully. I don't think I've ever been as proud of a show as this one.

Summer is almost over. Sigh. I have, officially, three weeks left before the fun-filled professional developments begin, but I have 4 or 5 days within those three weeks that I have to go to meetings, freshman orientation and training (but I'm getting paid extra for the training, which is a plus). I'm really looking forward to this year because it'll be my first year ever that I'm not teaching a new piece of literature. I finally get to reuse and tweak all of my lessons. The problem that I face, however, is that I have to rearrange the order of the books to create flow and thematic links with the summer reading. Normally I teach "Animal Farm" second semester to my honor kids, but I have to teach it right away since their summer book dealt with the Russian Revolution. That bums me out because I like to use "Jane Eyre" as the first novel because of how beautifully it's written. Instead I have to start with satire, propaganda, allegory instead of focusing on language, diction and syntax. I could do a bit with "Animal Farm," but "Jane Eyre" is so much better with which to start.

Oh, well.

Now I'm rambling. I'm going to enjoy this next week - I hope to finish one novel, also finish "The Shack," which I started before summer school and put aside, and then "Eat, Pray, Love," which I've been wanting to read for a while. If I can read those three books in the following week, then I can begin on the books for the history classes I'm taking in the fall.

Time to go. I tripped going down some stairs at the theatre last night (rushing to open the audience curtains prior to intermission) and I flew, landing on my right knee (yes, the same knee I banged up 3 years ago). It's swollen and a pretty blue-ish purple, so I'm going back to the couch, prop it up and read.

Cheers!

Summertime... Ups and a Big Down

Wow. What a summer this has been! I have been blessed, cursed and everything in between.

The play is absolutely wonderful and I am extremely proud of my cast. I do believe I am prouder than this show than any other show I've been in (except Sweeney Todd - nothing can top that). And I'm actually not even in this play. My first foray into directing a community theatre production, and a Shakespeare one at that, has been full of ups and downs. Working with a large cast can be difficult with scheduling timing conflicts but they were wonderful when building the set and putting the final bits together.

I taught summer school, with classes ending today. I struggled a bit in the beginning. I'm a pretty good teacher, but I normally teach 9th graders and this summer I taught 12th grade. Luckily it's British literature, which means lots of talking of British history, but then I also had to teach short stories, plays, poems and novels I've never taught before (some I've never read before). Teaching 12th grade this summer actually taught me lessons; my 12th graders didn't know a lot of things that I normally teach 9th grade. Some told me they had never written a research project, they didn't know what mood and tone is, etc. I drill my kids with those things - and these didn't know them! So this year, I'm going to make extra care that important things stick, important things that they need to know when they move up the grade levels.

My birthday was last week - what a year this has been! This time last year I was at the Folger Shakespeare Library, immersed in Shakespeare with teachers from all over the country. This summer I'm putting my learning into play with the play.

The thing that will probably resonate with me, however, happened a few days after my birthday. A piece of me died; I discovered that someone I thought was truly a good person is not. And I did what I had to do - I cut that person out of my life. This person brought out the worst in me - self-doubt, confusion, tears. This person used to bring laughter, smiles and good times, but the worst has finally overpowered the good. He did something that, as of now, I will probably never forgive - and that's saying a lot. People who know me, know that I am easily forgiving and I have great patience and care for people. This person knew that - I had forgiven him many times, more times than I should have (and he has even said, "How have you not hit me over the head yet?" and "How have you put up with me?" and "I'm embarrassed with the way I've treated you. God knows you haven't deserved it"). I try to find the good in everyone, but the evil in this person has finally so overpowered the good that I must stay away for my future happiness and sanity. Instead of good times, I see his lies, his manipulations, his failures masked by charm, wit and a large vocabulary. He's a good writer, and a good speaker, but it is rehearsed, planned, and set for his own purposes without thinking of the consequences.

The worst part of this is that he made me doubt my life, question my surroundings, question those close to me. I protected his ways, made excuses when my friends and family told me that they didn't trust him, tried to make him better than he actually was. And then he made me out to be fool when he was double-dealing and probably laughing about it with another - since they both knew and I didn't.

Luckily, no permanent harm is done. I've suffered losses before, and I've survived. One less friend just means I have more care to give the others. And in the long run, he wasn't so special. I am more successful in everything I've done than he has and probably ever will, and he has proven himself a villain.

"Rich gives wax poor when givers prove unkind." Hamlet, III-I.

Rehearsals

I have a pretty good cast, if I do say so myself.  The only hiccup I have is that it's not complete - I still need three more males.

Last night we blocked Act I and II.  The most challenging part is the choreography in the dance scene in Act II, but we worked through it and got ideas yesterday.  We also had to imagine where things were because our set isn't built, and won't be built for another month due to another show before ours.   Luckily, though, the other set is very similar to ours, so once they put THEIR set up, we'll have an easier time.

Tonight we're blocking Acts III-V, which leads to a VERY busy evening - but at least there won't be any dancing.  :)

Cheers!

New Project

I've blogged about running (of which I'm sidelined for another 3 months or so, due to ankle issues).  I've blogged about my school (which I love, but am on summer vacation now).  I've blogged about relationships (no comment presently).  Last summer, I blogged about my experience at the Folger Library.  Now, I've got two new subjects to blog about: my community theatre directorial debut and my life as a grad student (which begins in August).  

First things first, and that would be my community theatre directorial debut.  I've directed a high school production, directed scenes in college,  and I've been in numerous community theatre productions, but this will be a new adventure.  I was chosen, earlier this year, to serve on the board of the Clear Creek Community Theatre, and when the summer Shakespeare performance looked kinda uncertain, I was asked to help.  Help, I have come!   There's two others working with me, but I've kinda taken over the production (since I can be controlling - no comment, Andy!).  I'm directing "Much Ado About Nothing" and I'm so excited since this is one of my favorite Shakespeare productions.  I've cut the script, copied it, gathered resources for auditions and designed the set.  Auditions are tonight, so I shall blog about that either later tonight or tomorrow.

Grad school starts in August.  I'm not quitting my job to go back to school, so I'll be a teacher by day and student by night.  I'm taking 6 hours (2 night classes - one on Wednesday and one on Thursday), earned a partial scholarship, and have already purchased the books for one class (European towns and villages - I don't know what books I need for my research methods class).  The European towns and villages class requires I read these 4 books, and I plan on reading them this summer (around rehearsals and the three weeks that I'm teaching summer school) so that I don't get swamped with work in the fall.  I know I already have to write a 15-page paper for that class, and I think I have to write a biographical and historiographical paper for my research methods class.  PLUS I'm teaching a pre-SAT/SAT prep class a few Saturdays a semester (extra money for tuition).  I'm going to be one very busy bee starting in August.  Luckily fall semester for me, at my job, is relatively simple - I've read the novels enough that I don't need to reread them, and can teach that stuff in my sleep.

But, I'm not going to even THINK about school until the play is over.  We audition tonight and Sunday and rehearsals begin Tuesday.  We rehearse for 6 weeks and then put on the show for two weekends for a total of 8 performances.  

Exciting!!!!

Still here...

I'm still here, but I have to admit that facebook has been taking most of my computer time. I don't blog as much because it's just quicker there!

Is it better? Not necessarily.

But it definitely takes less time.

Life's ok. I'm going back to school in the fall (teacher by day, student by night!), and I'll probably start blogging more after this semester ends because I'm BUSY!!!

Cheers!

Guilt

I hate feeling guilty when something is no one's fault.

I'm going to bed to quiet my head and my heart.

Argh. 

Fire in the Hole!

Last night my apartment complex caught on fire.

At 6:45, I got a phone call from my friend Kelly.  

Her: "Erica, where are you?"

Me: "Rehearsals.  What's up?"

Kelly: "Diane says that the apartment complex across the street from Walgreens is on fire.  Isn't that where you live?"

Me: "Oh, shit!"

I then ran out of rehearsals, getting the info from Kelly.   Within a few minutes, I could see the smoke billowing - and I was 4 miles away.  In the 10 minutes it took me to get home, I called everyone - family, friends.  I needed someone to get to my apartment before me to get Wibble, if possible.  Andrea and Kelly, however, got the brunt of my panicked emotions.  I honestly don't know how I didn't wreck my car.

I come to Bay Area Blvd. and see the flames licking the sky.  Unfortunately, the streets are now blocked off so I pulled into a parking lot, grabbed my bag, and ran.  I could see that the fire was coming from the direction of my apartment.  Within 5 minutes of running, however, I could see that my apartment was fine, but the building next to mine was toast.

I then felt another swoosh of emotions - relief, fear, sadness, happiness.  I just stared (and took a picture with my phone).

I then had to maneuver my way to my apartment, dodging people, firemen, fire, water.  I ran upstairs, checked on my freaked out dog, and grabbed my camera.

I am still a nervous wreck.  The fire came too close to my home.  The wind was blowing, and the wind carried the flame to a fire truck, and the truck ended up catching on fire and getting destroyed.    Had the wind been blowing in the opposite direction, I would be homeless.  I have never felt so panicked in my life .  I just stood out there for a couple of hours, watching the building be utterly destroyed.  Today I feel the effects of the smoke - my lungs and head hurt, but thank God I'm alive and my apartment is still standing.  20 units were destroyed and it made every newscast and newspaper in the area.  Not a lot happens in Clear Lake, except for the occasional crazy woman killing or attempting to kill someone, so the fire was big news at school today (especially since it's 2 blocks away from school).

I walked into my apartment today and realized that I have a lot of stuff.  What would I have rescued, had I had the time?  What is really important to me?  What would be irreplaceable had the fire indeed traveled?  My friend Joe is the in the apartment next door to the fire - he has external damage, and came 2 feet away from losing everything.   Close calls really make you think, and last night I could barely sleep between the thinking and the emergency vehicles.  The fire wasn't completely extinguished until around 9:30-10, and then the bulldozers came in around 2 to knock what was left down so that no one would get hurt later.  Today there is a fence around it, yet the rubble is still heartbreakingly there and the smell is still strong.  

No one died, but the fire was so quick that people didn't have time to take a lot of things with them.  Our complex is old, with no firewalls between the units and an open/shared attic, which created a chimney connecting the apartments.  

People are asked, "If you could save 5 things from a burning building, what would they be?"  I always answered, "Assuming my dog would get out by herself, I'd take my laptop, a picture of my mom and dad, my file box, my favorite book, and my jewelry box."  Having lived through almost having to make that choice for real, I realize that I would've grabbed my dog, laptop and picture.  Everything else is minor.  I was terrified for my dog.

I'm still shaking.  It was too close for comfort.  I felt the fire.  I smelled the smoke and chemicals.  My feet splashed in the water.  I heard the roofs caving.  I saw the flames.

Miles and Miles

So I ran my first long run of 2009 on Saturday.  While it's not the longest long run I've ever run, I'm trying to smartly gain mileage after a break.

Saturday's run: 3 miles.  I haven't run 3 miles in months

Mile 1: 12:29

Mile 2: 13:21

Mile 3: 12:50.

Average: 12:54

I ran 4:1 intervals, and felt fine afterwards.  Even throughout the afternoon and evening I felt fine.

I'm changing up my running pattern a bit (the impatient person in me is screaming).  Now that I have been running 1 mile for daily runs, and I feel fine, I'm bumping up my daily mileage. I wanted to run 2 miles today, but that ended up being 3.

So, today's run:

Mile 1: 12:52

Mile 2: 13:33

Mile 3: 12:46

Average: 13:04.

I feel fine.  Tomorrow I'm going to probably go 2-3 again, and then Thursday I'll go 2-3, and my long run this week will be 4.

I have a goal in mind, but I'm keeping my mouth shut about it until it comes closer!

Cheers!

Baby It's Cold Outside

No running for the past few days.  Sunday - rest day.  Monday - rainy.  Tuesday - cold and rainy.

So today's mile was the first since Saturday.  And it was great!  It was 12:31, but unlike Saturday's 12:30 mile, this one felt virtually effortless.  I could've pushed a lot harder - I felt that good.  Maybe because it's chilly.  Maybe because I did an hour of Tae-bo 35 minutes prior so my legs were warm.  Maybe because my legs were rested.  Maybe because I didn't look at my watch once during the run so I couldn't judge my own time.  Whatever it was, I felt just fine.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's mile.  I hope that this mile means my miles will start getting easier.

Saturday is my first "long run" morning in a while.  Maybe I'll go 3 miles instead of 2.  We'll see.

Cheers!

Happy New Year

For the past couple of years, or probably since I've had this blog, which is nearly 4 years, I've ended the year with a recap, and began the year with list of want-to-dos.

This year, I did not end with a recap, and it's not because I was too busy to do so.  I decided not to because I have a tendency to dwell on the past, keep things I shouldn't, remember things that are best forgotten.  And as this year was probably one of the emotionally worst I've had in a while, why in God's name would I want to go back and recap that?

2008 is over.  Thank God.  That's all I have to say.  But hooray for the good things - the new macbook, being at the Folger this summer, going to NY to visit Christine, two of my greatest friends having babies this year, talking again to a friend whom I thought I lost forever, PR-ing at the 2008 Houston Half marathon, and getting a couple of toxic people out of my life.  The rest pretty much sucked.

But with the past gone, here are my hopes for 2009.

1) Running.  I want to run at least 2 half marathons this year.  I stopped running in the fall - my last long run was right after the hurricane.  I was burnt out, hated the idea of training, didn't get weekly runs in so my long runs sucked and hurt.  I didn't register in time for Houston, and I think that my training without a race for which to train really bothered me, so I decided to take a break.    I've realized recently, however, that I miss running.   I miss the "good" tired, the "good" pain, the breeze, the feeling of accomplishment.  As my running really took a nose-dive last spring (due to emotional reasons, really), and then dwindling down to basically nothing, I've got to start over from square one.  That idea bothered me at first - I used to run 6-8 miles no problem, and now I can barely go 3?  I also know that when I began running against fall 2007 (after a long break from my knee injury) that I didn't begin smart.  Well, I'm starting over from scratch to go up smartly.  And that means 1 mile at a time, and I'm going to build up the right way - slow and steady and smart.  And I'm going to increase my endurance by trying to go without walk breaks.  So, Thursday I ran my first mile in months.  13:16 without a break.  God, it felt good to do that.  Yesterday, I ran a mile at 13:13.  I was a bit tired because I've also been increasing all of my workouts, so my body was just tired.  Today's mile came in at 12:30.  I pushed hard - I wanted to go as close to 12 as possible.  I'll probably slow it back down for tomorrow's mile.  For the next week, I'll run 1 mile a day.  A week from tomorrow I'll start my Saturday long runs again - starting with a long run of 2 miles!  Every daily run will increase a half mile a week (building up to 4-5 miles a day), and every long run will increase a mile a week (building up to 11).  My goal is to run a half marathon before summer, and to also run the San Antonio half next fall.  And if I get up to 11 miles comfortably by June, and can hold that 11 miles every Saturday during the summer, I'll be in a good spot.  I need new running shoes, though.  God, I miss it!

2) Health.  I'm a pretty lucky person.  My cholesterol is good, my blood pressure is good.  I have to get my thyroid checked, though, because my sister was just diagnosed with a thyroid problem and it's genetic.   She has to take medication for it now, and I hope I don't have it because I hate taking medicine!  But I do want to get healthier on many level.  I'm constantly stressed out, so I want to figure out a way to destress better, or to not get stressed.   My eating habits are victims of my stress, and my lack of exercise (at times), so if I learn to control my stress, my eating habits and exercise habits will be where they were years and years ago.  I'm not going to focus on losing weight, per se.  I'm still 110 pounds lighter than I was when I was in college, and that's a huge difference.... and leads to...

3) Eating better.  I'm not going to eat better to lose weight, because that will cause frustration if I focus on the scales.  But I'm 30 now, and I know that I should take better care of what I eat.  Lately stress has had a negative effect on what I eat - I've been eating quickly, haven't taken time to relax and enjoy food, and I stress eat.  And when I stress eat, I go for the crap, and when I feel rushed, I go for the sugar to keep me going.  And then I crash.  And don't want to exercise.  And I eat more sugar to get the energy back up.  And then I crash again.  It's a nasty cycle, and my body isn't enjoying it.  More veggies!  More calcium!  More fish!  Less sugar!!

4) Exercising.  The running is a good start.   I want to go back to the weight lifting I was doing when I was dating Sam, who is a body builder and was being my trainer.  But unfortunately I acquired tendonitis in both of my shoulders over a year ago and occasionally they flare up.  Case in point - my left shoulder flared while building the set for "Rumors" and it still bugs me a lot.  I can't lift right now.  I've been working on my lower body, but I miss working out my arms!  Hopefully the pain will recede soon.  But I want to exercise more because I've slacked off.  I used to be a gym rat, but that kind of dwindled during the summer while I was in DC, and then when I came back it was all about school, and I didn't adjust well this fall - I ignored ME.  And I started to feel old.  I look 25, I want to feel 25 also.  So back to the exercising.  Back to waking up at 4:15 am to get some aerobics and/or running in before work.  It's sick, I hate waking up that early, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta due.  I'm only 30!!!!   I refuse to feel 50!!!!

5) Hobbies.  I'm learning to knit!  I have yarn, needles, and a student of mine who will teach me basic stitches this week.  Watch  out - everyone will probably get a scarf or fun socks or a fun hat for Christmas next year!!!  Also, I will submit one screenplay to the 3 competitions that I want to win.  That involves me putting the final touches on this last one, getting it copywritten and ready to send out by April 1st.  Yikes!

6) To do what I want to and to stop feeling guilty for saying no and to speak up.  I'm so nonconfrontational that I'll say yes and agree instead of speaking up, just to end an argument!  Or I get pressured into doing things that I don't really want to do, or am unsure of.  That's going to change.  I can't please everyone, and I'm not pleasing myself if I'm not happy.  And step one: speaking up.  

Notice I said nothing about work.  That's because I spent too much time on work last year.  This year, I'm not going to live for my job.  I love teaching, but I've been overworking myself to overcompensate for my crappy personal life.  That's stopping.    My work is just fine, so let me work on me.

Wow.  I didn't plan on writing this much, and I could probably write more, but my shoulder is killing me and I need the heating pad.

Happy New Year everyone!

Cheers!