"Finishing the Hat"

Notice that it's 10:50am and I'm awake. Not only am I awake, but I've already spent almost 2 hours at the gym. One reason I don't stay out late is that my body refuses to let me sleep later than 7:30. I hope to take a nap sometime today. I'm still tired, but not sleepy.

Ok, let's talk about the big 10-year day.

The first event was a school tour. Now, being a teacher, I've actually been to my old school for training many times this year. I didn't go to see the school, I went to look at those who showed up.

Allow me to rewind. Let me give you some background. In high school, I knew everyone and most everyone knew me, but I wasn't one of the cool kids (aka "preps" or "kickers"). I was fat, and a theatre and debate geek. Many of those I went to high school, I also went to elementary school and middle school with them. After graduation, I kept in touch with a handful of people (the Bride one of them, and a few people I talk to a couple times a year). I wanted to go the reunion festivities just to see how people turned out. And to show myself off (to be honest).

With the play, there was doubt I'd make it to the party, since I wouldn't get out of the theatre until 10:30pm. So I went to the school tour.

Only about 10 people showed up. Most of them were recognizable at the start. Those who I've seen recognized me, others didn't. But it wasn't a big deal. None of those who showed up were in my group of friends - the cool kids showed up. But I had a pleasant enough time and decided to try to go to the party. If for nothing else, to get out of the house!

I raced from the theatre to the Houston Club and surprisingly, there were many people still there. It was so good to see many of them. Most I looked at out of curiousity's sake. Many who I didn't think would remember me, did. And so many were aghast when they looked at me! One guy (who was cute, but got a lot cuter... and married) just couldn't get over me. One of my friends, Betsy, took great pleasure taking me around and going, "Guess who this is" to people (referring to me). I had a drink, spent a great deal of time on the dance floor and had a good time. I'm more outgoing now than I was in high school, so I went straight up to people and just started chatting.

Despite having a good time, I was still amused to see that the same cliques were there. They were still "preps", just older with more paunch and a spouse. Some people just haven't changed. God, some haven't changed. Damn, some people gained weight. Betsy and I were the ones who shrunk. Oh, and those girls who I thought were pretty in high school haven't changed... but I realize they're not really pretty, they're just average (and some downright plain). It's funny how in high school, the geeks idolize the popular kids, only to realize later they're nothing special. They're just the same as you are.

The Bride didn't go, but one of my other best friends from high school was there and she actually was part of the "cool kids" group, but felt out of place now. So she and I danced and went around and hung around together. We also crashed the after-party, which was amusing. The married couples sat outside and talked, the single ones danced and drank loudly in the house. I felt odd at the party; I went just to watch. I never went to the cool kids party in high school. And I didn't miss much.

So, what did I get out of my high school reunion? Plenty.

1) An opportunity to go out, have a beer, socialize and dance. I haven't had that good of a time out since that night in Manhattan. I needed to have fun, and I did.

2) An ego-booster. I'm really hard on myself, and being 15 pounds heavier than I was two years ago (hell, just being 25 pounds heavier than I was 3 years ago) has been really hard for me. I've been hosting my own pity party for a while, moping and hating how I look. But these folks didn't know I've gained 15 pounds. They remember me when I was 80 pounds heavier. To them, I looked wonderful. And it's nice to be reminded of that. Sometimes I forget what I've done, and what I'm capable of doing.

3) The comfort of knowing that not everyone became successful. My high school was ritzy and is one of the best public high schools in my city, and is very well known for having some of the most intelligent students in the city. While a couple were doctors, there was an architect, two PhD candidates, someone starting his own video production company, there was one who, when asked what he does know, said he preffered to answer such questions as, "What do you like to do?" Two guys, who were stoner friends in high school, are still stoners together... but just in another city (NY). Some worked in retail, like I did. But I was surprised that, really, no one talked about what they were doing. Or maybe they all did that before I go there, since I got there so late.

4) The comfort of knowing I'm not the only socially challenged. Again, most of the cool girls were still single. That felt good. And one of the guys is already divorced (although it's my personal guess that he drank and drugged himself out of that marriage).

5) A chance to catch up with two good friends, one I haven't seen in a couple months, one I haven't seen in YEARS.

6) A chance to wear my sexy bronze stillettos. Oh, were my toes curling by the end, but I looked great!

So, I'm glad I went. Who knows what will happen in the next 10 years and what stories I'll tell from my 20th.

I think I'm going to take a nap.